The Review Ballerina: Cold Cat with a side of SAMCRO.

My only day off and I’m spending it exactly how I should: drooling over Charlie Hunnam and restarting Sons of Anarchy for what I’m pretty sure is the sixth time. SimonTam is acting like he’s freezing to death, so he’s successfully stolen the entire pink blanket and I’m apparently just here to serve as his furniture. I start my new Team Lead position tomorrow and the nerves are absolutely kicking in. I can’t wait to walk in there and confidently pretend I know exactly what I’m doing while internally screaming.

#reviewballerina #SonsOfAnarchy #SAMCRO #CharlieHunnam #JaxTeller #DayOff #BingeWatching #SimonTam #CatLife #BlanketThief #NewJob #TeamLead #WorkAnxiety #FakeItTilYouMakeIt #SendHelp

Elizabeth is a wife to her wonderful husband, a work at home mother to her beautiful little girl and a blogger for some time now. When she isn't spending time with her "Livvybug", or laughing with her husband, she is looking for new review opportunities and writing or singing along to classic rock and pop music!

The Review Ballerina: When the day turns red...

Current mood: Trying to channel "professional blogger" energy while my uterus is actively staging a violent coup.

If you see me smiling in this picture, please know it is a lie fueled entirely by Ibuprofen, a heating pad, and a desperate amount of sugar-free chocolate.

The amount of sheer willpower it takes to not tell the entire world to please just shut up today is astronomical.

Honestly, I just want to crawl back into bed, curl up with SimonTam (who is currently hogging my heating pad, by the way), and sleep until I’m a new person. But no, we smile, we type, and we pretend we aren't suffering. Being a woman is fun, right? Whimper.

Send good vibes... and maybe more snacks. Please.

#reviewballerina #periodproblems #cramps #bloated #chocolate #sugarfree #ibuprofen #bluey #workingthroughpain #catmom #simontam #officelife #womenwholead #smilingthroughpain #tired #sendhelp #mood #relatable #bloggerlife #justgirlythings

Elizabeth is a wife to her wonderful husband, a work at home mother to her beautiful little girl and a blogger for some time now. When she isn't spending time with her "Livvybug", or laughing with her husband, she is looking for new review opportunities and writing or singing along to classic rock and pop music!

How the Electronic Screen changed Society:

Before the internet (and yes, I was alive for that) you had to look at people in the eye when you worked with them. If you wanted to talk to someone you picked up a phone, dialed or spun the dial and you made sure that they could hear your tone of voice. Friday nights were usually met with pizza and movies. Saturday nights were game nights whether it was cards, board, but mostly you sat there with friends. I can't tell you how many Saturday nights I spent with my Dad out at a bar watching him play pool with his buddies, or we'd go visit Uncle Dave and I'd play with their daughter while they hung out and chatted for hours. If you debated? You did it in person. If you needed to talk to someone? You did it in person (most of the time). I find that these days the internet has taken away the ability for society to be able to accept you for you. They now want to hide you away from them if you are a bother to them. Or, they want you to hide from them so they can't see you because you bother them. When did this become acceptable?

My Weight-Loss Journey: How I've been doing it!

Left: Fall of 2022. Right: Fall of 2023

So I was told I should lay out what I've done to lose weight in the last year, and I figured I'd go ahead and tell! I mean it may not work for everyone but if it helps ya'll go for it! These are just some of the things I've been doing, because without health insurance I can't see a nutritionist, get weight loss surgery, etc.

Mommy Monday: How to keep your Sanity as a Stay at Home/Work from Home Mom!

How to Cope with Anxiety and Panic -- The Review Ballerina Edition:

I have spent my entire life fighting what millions are dealing with now. COVID-19 has caused so many to have anxiety, panic, self-doubt, worry, depression, and more. I want to help people see there are natural ways to help these chemical imbalances in the brain and to know...you are not alone.

The Review Ballerina is not a medical blog/journal and as such should not be taken as a means to treat, diagnose, or cure any types of mental illness. These are just opinions and steps for this blogger to help those who are just like me.

Why I'm Losing Faith in Doctors:

I have always been a firm believer in the medical profession. I feel that those who take the time to learn how to do a medical specialty, are to be fully trusted to take care of you and your children. I believe in vaccinations, I believe in flu shots and yes, if a COVID19 vaccine comes out as long as there's enough medical proof that it's safe my home will be getting it. But, in the last two years I've begun to start doubting who I can trust...especially when it comes to my daughter. 

The statements made in this article are completely 100% the opinion of this blog owner. This is not an attempt to sway someone one way or the other of their own medical trust. 

The Struggle of Childhood Epilepsy (TLE) & The Return of The Review Ballerina!

I have been a blogger and reviewer now for, I want to say about four years? You all have watched me move cities, watched my daughter start school, and more. But nothing could've prepared me for the challenge that we have faced over the course of the last few years and now that it seems to be getting under control, it's time to tell everyone what's been going on!

First, to all companies that have worked and partnered with The Review Ballerina, thank you for your patience and understanding as we helped our daughter. We look forward to continuing to work with you in the future.

A Thank You Letter to Arnold's Martial Arts:

To Arnold's Martial Arts:

We have been happily a part of your team and family for two years now. I brought Olivia into your dojo shortly after she was bullied in Kindergarten, and after only two classes we knew she needed to be here. But not only have you changed our daughter's life in two years, you changed our family's lives and for that we will forever be eternally grateful to you.

Whether it's having fun while learning to spar (yeah don't give her the chance again Mr. Colton!! haha), or being serious and learning every single pattern move tight and strong you always make sure that Olivia has the best time in every class. She knows that if she's called out for a wrong thing that it just means to work harder and listen more and you make sure she keeps pushing herself to be the best she can be. She still tells her friends all about the Ascent tournament, and the Black Belt Show and how much she wants to be just like the ladies of the dojo!

 

We have come to feel that you all are family, not just wonderful instructors and listeners. There are times where I feel so overwhelmed by everything happening with Olivia but then we come to your dojo, and I watch her work with you on the mat and it just changes everything. By the time we leave even though I didn't physically do anything, there's a sense of renewed energy and pride in hopes of the next day becoming even better and it's because of how you all are. You're always smiling, and helping and hoping the kids leave better than they walked in. You're just an incredible family and an incredible group of people to know.

I cherish this video deeply, because this showed me just how much what you do stays with children even when they are having memory difficulties and going through so much. It had been three months since Olivia had even attempted this pattern, yet not even half an hour with Ms. Haleigh and she was able to bring back that muscle memory and that confidence to remember everything. With this, we knew she could continue working with the classes and continue on in her young career and that's what we wanted with her epilepsy, to not allow it to hold her down. 

To Ms. Haleigh:

I sit here even now almost choking up as I write this because it's been a rough couple of years for our daughter, and yet you have been right there every step of the way. When we first thought she had ADHD/OCD/Anxiety you listened to me as I tried not to turn into a tearful mess before you discussing how I was unsure she could continue in classes without it appearing she wasn't trying or didn't care. But you knew; You knew what was best for her in your dojo. When you came to the hospital to visit when she was being confirmed with Temporal Lobe Epilepsy, I cried so many times at home after that. Olivia knew at that point that at any time she could come to you and confide in you, or hold her Haleigh-Teddy when she was in pain or scared (which she still does just FYI!). You have made this experience so amazing and powerful, and to know that you and your family still pray for Olivia and us and you keep an eye on us just helps me to know that we're not alone in this here. I have not been a following Christian since I was a teenager; I follow the path of Wicca and the Goddess. Yet I believe that God is speaking through you as you help children who need that extra hand in their lives. I truly believe that the work you do is by God's hand and will, and I know that you bring that love to our daughter. Olivia is strong, confident, sure of herself, and that is because of the power you have given her to believe in herself even when medically she can't be sure everything will be alright. Thank you Ms. Haleigh, for everything.

To those in the Texoma area, who want to have something special for their child: Check out Arnold's Martial Arts in Sherman. No, I am not sponsored for this statement, nor is it affiliated with this blog in any way. I am merely a mother of a soon-to-be purple belt who has crawled from being a bullied young girl and a medically misdiagnosed child, to a strong and confident young lady with Epilepsy who knows she has family inside and outside of our home. Thank you Arnolds. 

Elizabeth is a wife to her wonderful husband, a work at home mother to her beautiful little girl and a blogger for some time now. When she isn't spending time with her "Livvybug", or laughing with her husband, she is looking for new review opportunities and writing or singing along to classic rock and pop music!

"There and Back Again" - A Mother's Tale by Elizabeth Baggins (Gilbert)

Deep in the beautiful country side of northern Texas (that alone is a beautiful fictional read isn't it), a mother stumbles out of bed as her alarm rings at 6:55am. That ring, that golden ring that has brought everyone misery for years and decades is forcing us to climb out of our comfy, cozy nooks and make the same trek we've made before. After a long, groanful journey down the hallway, I find my small hobbit (my precious) lying in the bed hiding under a sheet hopeful I won't find her.

"Come on, sweet one it's time to go." I pull the sheet off her to find her giggling and shaking her head.

"I thought that would work this time!" She says, as if the magic from the fairies and elves betrayed her. Preparing for our trek is long, as we dress, eat our bread and mead -- Apple juice come on I'm not crazy yet... and our bread is with melted butter because we're not savages, we're hungry for toast -- we brush hair and try to look the part of non-exhausted minions forced to follow ... the ring.

As we leave our abode, the heat of Sauron's fury washes over us and seeing as we live in Texas he sure is angry several months out of the year isn't he? I groan and close the front door while my sweet hobbit giggles and points to two snails along the ground. She speaks like sweet bells telling me how she wants to keep them in a giant jar, and I look at the two whispering to myself "Hurry to the mines of Moria...for your fate must be better there than in the hands of this wee one."  For trust me I know my daughter well, and I know that those snails will slowly grow hungry and desperate for first dinner and they will forget what second dinner even meant.

Oh how I long for the temperatures to be below 80 in the morning, I miss the feeling of the cool air as the door swings open. The smell of cool dew on grass and fireplaces already burning. Perhaps we are forgetting to "Speak friend and enter" when we enter Sauron's cruel heated world, though as a mother I'm about to take a belt to Sauron's behind if he continues to torture us. We begin our walk, the long, treacherous journey through concrete terrain and tall weeds avoiding dangerous ants and highly horrific inchworm graveyards. As we walk, I hear tales of previous adventures from my hobbit, her smile as we discuss how she plans to continue to learn proper fighting for her battles and how I fully intend to...grab a cold drink and sit in my home hiding from Sauron for the next 24 hours.

As we come to the end...I can feel it. The heat pouring over me. The sweat dripping along my entire body making me groan knowing I look like a fat pig in a wet shirt. The anticipation of her releasing to the destination for the end is just in sight. With a hug, a kiss, an eskimo kiss, a forehead kiss, and a hand created "heart" that shakes back and forth, we exchange our love and then...she turns. One foot in front of the other, I watch as she makes her way through rocky busted terrain, branches lying broken in her way. She turns at the end of the path, and waves and blows a kiss to which I reciprocate. My eyes never leave her as she crosses the stone road and she goes along the edge of Mount Doom...a few steps...she climbs up stairs, turns...another wave and a kiss. I stare in desperation wanting cool air and a nice place to sit but I watch my precious go. As she turns the corner finding herself no longer in danger but stepping into a cool, calm Rivendell, I turn and take a deep breath...

I lower my head, my neck cracks and I roll my shoulders as I stare down my final battle. For I begin my swift, sturdy walk back to my safe haven feeling Sauron staring at me as I go. He laughs evily forcing another blasting wave of heat making me stumble on a rock and I gasp grateful not to fall. He beats me down with anger for soon I will no longer be in his grasp and I turn walking as quickly as I can (FYI - If you want to speed walk, turn on Alan Parson's "Sooner or Later" and walk to the beat, yeah trust me it's a journey in itself to keep up with that!).

I tell myself to keep going, don't look up for he will stare you down with a sadistic, evil...well he's an eyeball just how bad can it be? You look up to find the eye (sun) radiating down on you hoping to make you collapse but instead, you look to the right... and smile...

Home...I come in and let out a breath of relief. I have slain the evil that burns this terrain. I have defeated the heat. I have let my precious hobbit get to her educational destination...and now I have to work. But I am proud to have conquered the evils of the kingdom and I shall rise again! For I am... a Mother and I have made the trek there...and back again...

Elizabeth is a wife to her wonderful husband, a work at home mother to her beautiful little girl and a blogger for some time now. When she isn't spending time with her "Livvybug", or laughing with her husband, she is looking for new review opportunities and writing or singing along to classic rock and pop music!

To My Mom: A Dedication To My True Auntie-Mom:

Disclaimer: This will be sappy, this will be true and this is how I feel.

At the age of 2, my biological mother made some pretty drastic mistakes that impacted both herself and I. I grew up living 5 days a week with my Grandmother, and the weekends with my Uncle and Aunt. I wrote about my Uncle previously, thanking him for all he's done and how I truly feel that he's my Father. But I never knew my biological father, so he's the only father I ever knew. I never could quite figure out how to put into words how I felt for my Aunt because I had not only my biological mother for a short time, but my Grandmother as well. The time has come, and I hope to show her just how much I love and appreciate her.

Dear Daughter: A Letter to My Soon-to-be First Grader:

To my beautiful daughter on her weekend before school starts:

Unplugging From TV: Living Without a DVR:

In March of 2016, we moved from an extremely large and busy city to a semi-rural town. Doing a literal "hop" over my parents, we are 45 minutes from them either way, and now living further North which is awesome. When we moved though, we ended up on DUN DUN DUN: CAPPED INTERNET! It's okay, tell your hearts to re-start! We have actually never gone over our cap even though we're a family of three who are always using the internet. It's not even a high cap either, we have just toned down our constant need for "HD" on Netflix and stuff. Anyway, I was unable to bring my AT&T U-Verse account with us to our new home so I went with Direct TV. First thing I wanted to do was get my DVR back...but I couldn't. Why? Well Direct TV would say "Oh it doesn't use your internet!" Which I knew was a lie. Never listen to companies when they say this, want to know why? When I was with U-Verse and my internet dropped off, I couldn't watch ANYTHING that was recorded. It would stop recording, it would just stop altogether. Now why, seriously why would you say it doesn't use internet when clearly without internet it doesn't work? 

Split Apart -- Reunited Together: A Sibling's Path to Reunion:

I have always been an only child; my entire life I have never had a sibling to blame when something broke. I never had to share anything, and it was lonely sometimes. I can remember being around the 5th grade and going outside to play. Within maybe 20 minutes, I just remember sitting down with what I was playing with and looking around, wishing I had someone else to hang out with. To be honest it's a worry with my daughter that she feels the same way, as it appears she may never have a sibling. 

Vaccinations: Causes of illnesses or Scapegoat?

When I was nine, I went through something that most people will not go through their entire lives. When it occurred, I became depressed. I got PTSD before I was 10 years old and this caused parts of my brain to shut down. As I grew older, the effects of depression and PTSD caused issues such as short-term memory loss, anxiety, lack of math and science comprehension and more. I was prescribed medications that I would take to try to right the chemical imbalance that was causing my depression, because of what happened. About a month ago, I was sitting in a waiting room at a business and the subject of vaccinations came up. The mother I was speaking to will not vaccinate her child, and I made the comment that my daughter was fully vaccinated like I was and I will continue to make sure she gets her shots. The mother, in horror asked me if there was anything wrong with me and I said "Not at all, I mean I have depression but who doesn't these days." The response I got was astounding:

"Vaccinations have been proven to cause depression!"

Guided Meditation & Self-Confidence:

This is a personal article, but something many can relate to. This is long but I think in at least one way or another, anyone reading this will relate.

I have always found a way to find humor in life out of sorrow. My life has been exceptionally rough, though I never play "My life is worse than yours!" because in everyone's eyes their lives are hard. But genuinely speaking I have always said if I wrote my life out from my point of view, changed the names, and sold it as fiction I'd be a multi-millionaire already. Of course I'd never do that considering the majority of what would make great "meat" for the book I tend to try to block out it is that bad. But one thing I've learned is to take the negative and create a stronger and more positive life from it. No matter what people will say or do to you, your family, your friends, your life, your love if you can step up and tell yourself "That was them, not you", you can always guide yourself to a better life.

One of the things that I have not only been taught by my Wicca teacher (my Dad) but found along my path is meditation. My Dad taught me grounding and centering and it has been an incredible form of self-soothing I never had before. With my past comes awful repercussions medically. PTSD, anxiety, depression, short term memory loss, paranoia, and all of these things could be treated with rounds of therapy and pills. No, thank you. I've been in and out of therapy my entire life and on and off medications just as long. I'm tired of having to chemically change my brain to be "normal" and I'm tired of listening to therapists tell me that my abusive ex (true story by the way) was correct in pointing out other women and their beauty to get me to see that I wasn't trying hard enough. Yes, I left that therapist quickly. When I start to have panic attacks now, instead of just falling apart and screaming, crying and losing control, I ground and center. It helps tremendously and has also given me a new appreciation for the outside world around me.

In the last week, I was noticing that when I tried to meditate my brain would not stop thinking. It would continue to worry and stress and I couldn't shut that part off. So I was pointed to "Guided Meditation". In particular the first one I ever tried was this:

The positive affirmations in this and the imagery that my mind's eye created has become a nightly routine for me as I lie in bed. I find myself imagining a garden, with a small half circle of white flowers that I see myself laying in. A small brook is rolling about 10 feet away, I can see trees bending above hiding the sky to the South of me but right above me, blue and white shows. For me, this is my place of calm and soothing. But this is not the one that does the most in positive changes for me, no that would be this one:


Within this meditation I am able to choose based upon the chakra color what it is I need to heal for myself. I take this time every night to heal, and I mend whatever it is inside me that is dwelling. In the last couple of days alone I have had a lot of emotions that have flooded me that I didn't know I had. But instead of letting them consume me I use the meditation. I find myself letting go of a lot that would dwell for days. It helps me think and see clearer and understand situations that normally emotion would have forced me to misconstrue.

My husband told me one day something that makes a lot of sense: There is no perfect person in this world. You can have money, you can have fame, power, a big house; What seems to be perfect but inside no one truly is. There is always a fear or a stress that daily penetrates your thoughts and is so powerful it will change your personality even for a short time. My meditation has not only healed me so many times when I found myself hurt or distraught, but it has given me more confidence within myself to speak my mind or ask for help or clarification. I used to find myself in tears so often, that my four year old had felt she had to calm me down and comfort me. As sweet as the moment appears on the outside, the guilt that consumed me knowing she saw me this way was too much to bear. Now, she sees me stronger and more confident and that is the Mother I always want to be for her.

Before you close this article, please turn on the above meditation for color healing. Please use headphones, it works a lot better that way and try it just one time. Meditation may not be for you, but it might be and you don't realize it, and I hope it can be just as eye opening for you as it was for me.

Blessed Be.

Elizabeth is a work at home Mother of a sweet and beautiful daughter. She is a wife of seven years and a blogger for some time now. When she isn't spending time with her "Livvybug" she is looking for new review opportunities and writing or singing along to classic rock and pop music!